This recording (MLW-1.10) is part of a series I created for learning and teaching purposes.
Please see here for the homepage of the uncut recording.
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Transcript
You’re aware of how important this
whole thing is to start with oneself.
If you’re not connected to the life in yourself,
it’s going to be very hard to connect with others.
REJECTION EXERCISE
Reminds me of a time right here in San Francisco. I think
it was about 1970. I was a participant in a workshop.
At one part in this workshop,
we were working in small groups.
And one of the activities they gave us in
the small groups was a rejection exercise.
To pick one person in the group who you felt the least
comfortable with; lead them by the hand out of the group.
Then go back to the group and explain
why you didn’t want that person around.
So that person got a chance to know you were
being talked about. Okay? You got the exercise.
Then after everybody had a turn, if you wanted to know
and you were one of the rejectees, you could ask for it.
So I was in a group with five other people
and I was selected by four of the other five.
And I was curious,
I asked the people the reason.
And the first three, I knew how to handle it;
I didn’t feel bad about it at all.
Because what did they do?
They said: ‘You’re an intellectualizer.
You sit there, we never hear what you’re feeling. You don’t
say much and when you do, it’s in the form of an analysis.’
So notice they’re doing the same thing to me,
when they say: ‘You are an intellectual.’
So I was sitting there, enjoying it,
because I know how to deal with that.
I was diagnosing what’s wrong with them,
for being so insecure with my style.
But the other member, the fourth one, was a young man.
I wish over the years I had known his name
to tell him how important this was to me.
All he said was: ‘I just – I’m scared of you.’
‘I’m scared of you, when I never hear your feeling.’
And that probably was one of the biggest gifts I got.
THE GIFT OF FEELINGS – LEARN TO MOVE FROM HEAD TO HEART
So I’m saying this only, because I can
tell you for about the next six months,
I envy your 12-word feelings or six or whatever you said.
Because I think I had two:
I feel good.
I feel bad.
But even that made a difference. That I was looking for
the feelings, instead of immediately – with the analysis.
FUN IN EXPLORING FEELINGS TOGETHER
I’m also thinking of a woman in Topeka, Kansas.
She went home with those lists and she had an argument
with her husband the first evening and she said:
‘Just a second. I want to use what I was learning today.
It says for me, what am I feeling right now. Let me look.’
She goes down this list, right?
And she says: ‘My two children got up
and they looked over my shoulder and said:
‘Mommy, is it this one?’ –
‘No, it’s not that one.’
And then, she said, even my husband
got up and he gets over it.
He says: ‘What about this?’ –
‘Yeah, yeah! That’s it!’
And then we all laughed,
we just saw it and laughed.
How wonderful!
Yeah, that’s a good way to learn.